Thursday, July 12, 2012

Lord, Love A Duck..

And I do.
I really, really do.

Now, you know me.
You know that I am not given
to exclamations over cuteness.
I don't 'ooh' and 'awwwww' over critters.
I am not given to getting weepy eyes
when I see something precious cute.
I do over the stupid ducks.
I getting teary-eyed.
Honestly teary-eyed
over ducklings.
They have wittle flappy feet!
(hands waving up and down)
And they wittle 'wacker wackers'!
(hands mimicking a wee teeny duck bill)
I just wuv 'em to pieces!
It's disgusting, isn't it?
But I cannot help it.
And it is not getting any better..
at all.
Each new hatch tears me apart like the very first hatch
and when I see them toddling around the yard
on their wittle flappy feet
I just fall apart.
I am completely lost.

Well... this is Crack.
The name..
We are partial to unusual names around here
and her mother's name is Peruvian Flake.
Peruvian Flake is a solid white duck.
So, of course, we named her after a fine grade of cocaine.
She hatched very early in the Spring
and had two weaklings.

This is Crack and Smack.
Crack (cocaine) is the light one
and Smack (black tar heroin)is the dark one.
I told you we name oddly
and it is because I have an odd sense of humor.
All my fault.
Anyhoo.. I raised Crack and Smack.
Sadly Smack got consumed by a very large snake at some point.
It was a 'closed room' mystery.
We closed them up at night
and there were two ducks.
In the morning there was one duck.
The only possibility is a snake
was drawn to the heat lamp
and came in through a crack near the ceiling.
Poor Smack.
So, Crack became a singleton.
And Crack is spoiled.
She was rejected by the flock,
but was slowly re-integrated.
Then she became exalted
because she could communicate with
the 'food bringers'.
We would speak to the flock
and they would turn, en masse,
to Crack for translation.
It was hysterically funny.
Now, she is just a bitch.
She contains a greatly overblown
sense of entitlement
and is downright mean to ducklings.
Oh well.

So.. we are up to about 50 ducks now.
It doesn't take long.
And these are all Muscovies.
They are a red meat duck and at least a dozen
will go to butcher every 3 months or so.
They will be sold to local restaurants.
We WILL NOT butcher these ourselves.
We did it once or twice.
Never again.
Somethings are best left to professionals.
Too much down.
Too much.
Much too much.
And the professionals have a waxer.
Yep.. they can do it.

We have ducks.

This is Canada.
He will be one of the 2 'new' drakes
that will rise to the top after butcher.
Canada because he looks like a Canada goose.

And this is Limpy.
He will be going to butcher.
He is a great duck and is chief babysitter.
Duck hens are just slack mothers.
They 'just let the kids run around with their ass hanging out,
barefoot like they do in her dreams'.
(Donovan song reference..)
Limpy watches all the kids.
That is why he looks so haggard
and beat down.
I can butcher him at a little under a year
and have him be good eating.
Much later than that and he is
not worth anything monetarily at all.
So.. we raise up new drakes and
butcher the older ones.
Now.. if someduck really blows me away with their
style, flare and personality,
they can remain.
But, not poor old Limpy.

We have ducks.
Lots and lots and lots
and lots of ducks.
Just look at all the duckling in the pics..
and at least 2 hens setting.
We have ducks.


  1. Ohmygosh! Do you EVER have ducks! What beautiful, interesting ducks- and I looove their names; it sounds like we have similar senses of humor. We've only got four ducks on the farm right now- 2 harlequin and 2 black runner ducks. The runner ducks were easily in my top 3 cutest things ever seen when they arrived as little day old babies- I cannot imagine having a constant wave of new ducks, I would die of cute overload!-- Barry @Almosta Farm

    1. Let's see.. the other names are Chocolate Pie (wanna guess what color she is?)Peruvian Flake, Special K, Enemy, Porch Duck, Barn Duck, Lab Duck,( the 'location' ducks are named for where they chose to nest) Be-At-trice, Not Crack (Crack's sister that looks a lot like Crack) and more that I cannot think of... well, you gotta call them something! Nice to meet you, Barry!